happy new year to everyone out there!

ours was quiet. i know i fell asleep before 11:30! the first day of the new year was also quite peaceful. as i recall, all of us spent the day in our jammies.

this new year means a new and important birthday; esmond's third birthday. the last days of therapy for our little boy are fast approaching. this is stressful in a few different ways.

first, where do we now turn for help? this is both a educational and social concern of mine. i may have mentioned before that we have always planned on home-schooling our children. for maxie the challenge is not all that worrisome because she is a typical, neurologically speaking, child. both my husband and i are educated people. we have never had a doubt that we can give her an excellent education and address the social issues by enrolling her in a dance or by having her join girl scouts. however, with esmond it is a whole different story.

Follow up:

we are not autism experts even though we live with it everyday. there are many times throughout the week we throw up our hands in a "i dunno know" kinda way. we have learned a lot from the therapist who work with all of us but not enough.

secondly, if we find private help how are we going to afford it? private therapies are expensive. some may argue that we should turn to the public school system; but we live in tennessee. that should pretty much sum up that concern. on a bright point here, i did meet a really nice lady where i work who owns a stable and has offered to give esmond riding lessons for only $30.00 a week. this is compared to a hypo therapy program in our county that cost $300.00 a week. now she is not an autism therapist but she has seen the articles about horse therapy.

third, we have gotten to know and care about esmond's therapist. they are a great group of people. we feel like they are also friends and now they will be leaving our son's life. will he notice? will he wonder why? we may not know because he still does not talk. the feeling of abandonment can be powerful and lead to deep, deep sadness. this i know because my dad skipped out on my brother and me when we were very young. granted, these people are not "family" but have become close to achieving that status. they are in our home every week.

esmond has his last evaluation this month from vanderbilt. when he went a year ago he was diagnosed at "provisional". of course, this diagnosis did not qualify him for any help from ssi. i don't want him "labeled" incorrectly but if he needs ssi i want him to be able to get it.

don't get me wrong. i have plenty of hope. this past year we saw such wonderful progress in esmond. he use to not let you hold him at all; in fact he physically fought against us. now, he gives hugs and kisses. he use to block us out and now he actively interacts with all of and even plays with his sister. he use to not communicate at all and now he uses and understands sign language (he even signs in sentences). he use to keep running, and now he will stop and come when he's called. the examples go on, plus he can work puzzles in no time flat. he still is obsessed with wheels and thomas the tank engine. he still lines up toys and seems to have some ocd. he still walks on his toes and strips naked. he still bangs his head and throws tantrums when he doesn't get what he wants. he still does his happy dance of hand-flapping and jumping when he's excited. he has a sparkle in his eyes.

well, happy new year to everyone and may things be blessed for you and yours.