hello everyone. i am glad to see that there are so many people who are visiting this blog site. thank you so much to shane for providing a fantastic place.

a few weeks ago while i was driving home from work i heard on lightning 100 (a local radio station that plays progressive rock) that the band apocalyptica were going to be preforming at the ryman. i was so excited, and you would be too. i am posting a video along with this blog! they are absolutely great beyond words! anyway...when i got home i told my husband that they were coming to town and i wanted to go.

Follow up:

i was told that there was no way we could make it. sadly, i let go of the idea of seeing them live and forgot about it until my husband received a personal invitation to see them at a private, intimate showing they were going to do a couple of days before the public show. you see, my husband use to be a backstage guy and has worked with some of the most famous names in the music business. he "retired" to stay home full-time when we found out about sir dantes' autism and the therapy schedule.

when he told me about his invitation i was quiet at first. then, a little upset. just a couple of weeks prior, i had told him of my desire to go, and now...he was prepared to go without me! how dare him; well, how dare me. i gave him hell about it. i am such a bad person sometimes. the only thing i could think about was myself. shame on me.

you may ask, "well, how come you both couldn't go?". well, the answer is sir dantes. finding someone who is willing and that we trust to watch him is very difficult. while a lot of the time he is a sweet little boy, try telling him "no" a few times. all hell sometimes breaks loose. for example, last august a good friend of ours got married and my husband was asked to stand up with him. we both went and his sweet grams watched him. however, it wasn't to long before she called and needed us to know that we needed to come home. sir dantes had become to much to handle for her.

we all need breaks. a few times after work i have been lucky enough to get out with a coupe of girlfriends and have a drink or two. while i was out trying to relax, my husband was at home with the children. so, why was i so upset about him going out? he deserves a break as well. i was just being selfish; plain and simple.

raising a child with autism is so difficult. he has given up a lot to stay home and oversee therapies and teaching. he has lost friends and business contacts due to this and he deserves my understanding and not my selfishness. i don't think that i realized this until the other day when we had some friends over that also have a special needs child. the day in and day out difficulties of raising a special needs child is lost on me because i am not the one doing it. not only is it difficult on the parents individually; it is hard as a couple.

i long for the idea of us getting out once in a while on a date night. since sir dantes has been born (he is three), we have been out together three times. you do the math. how i long that i could find a trust-worthy person to watch sir dantes so we could get out maybe once a month with no worries. when you have a special needs child things are so much different. if you read regularly then you read about the abuses towards these wonderful children i address in a blog.

to wrap it up, i really wanted my husband to go. he deserved the break and so much more. through this experience i have learned that i need to keep myself in check in order to be a better partner to him. if you find yourself in our situation where one parent works and the other stays home, please be more understanding. life, marriage, and parenthood is hard enough. we, i, don't need to make it more difficult by petty selfishness.